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Monday, 17 May 2010

  • Time Flies!

    wow! I haven't been on xanga in ages! Looking at my last entry it brings last semester clearly to mind. Why is college so stressful?

    Alright let's sum up this semester:

    - I STILL have no idea what I'm going to do after college.

    - Will anyone hire me?

    - On the bright side I now have a job as a UC Berkeley RSF Lifeguard. Except that the fingerprinting, document signing, and training part is taking WAY longer than I thought it would. UGH!

    - I STILL can't figure out if Ryan and I are going to last and it became questionable today. Ugh maybe we're too different. I honestly don't know if I can wait around for him to become un-depressed. I have no clue what I can do to help.

    - One of my housemate's broke the vase that held Silas' funeral flowers. I should be pissed at someone, but I decided not to be. But I am pissed they ate my fruit Popsicle when they were high!

    - One of my housemates was a douchebag and still is a douchebag to me. He thinks that I like people being mean to me, but I'm about to let him have a piece of my mind. He doesn't even know what's coming now that I don't have to be busy doing social chair stuff anymore. He's gonna get antiqued!

    - I'm going to France in about a month. I'm learning French for 2 weeks before that. Hilarious right? I'm going to be pig fodder for French people who expect me to speak their language perfectly.

    - But I'm still super excited to go to France hee hee! I plan to check out Cordon Bleu. I don't know why though....for some reason I feel like the trip isn't going to be that great. For some reason I have misgivings about it. Is it my 6th sense telling me something bad might happen? Well i heard on the news today that the volcano in Iceland is going to spew up ash for 2 years.... so maybe that means I can't go to Europe? Why did I buy the plane ticket?? I should just have taken a cruise to France lol.

    - I feel like I'm perhaps not doing enough to look for internships...

    - I STILL need to write a legit resume. Why is it so boring?

    - Being social chair was fun. I didn't get re-elected though, which was bittersweet. Bitter because the new social chairs have a way cooler board, they'll get to recruit on campus, get more members, bigger budget, less stress, they're going to work together better than me and lindsay did, and they even get my hands on presence as wisdom for future events! All things I didn't get during this tough year of being on the board. I was all alone without help from my incompetent co-social chair and dealing with a team that was in a very weak spot... It was hard so it was more stressful than it should have been. I couldn't enjoy myself as much as I'd have liked. Well, I am happy for them. This was a sweet development because now I can actually enjoy myself at social events! I won't be always behind the scenes trying to get stuff done and running things smoothly. It's like a relief or like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders. It'll be easier to enjoy senior year, get back in shape, and get more work done. Plus I won't be overwhelmed now that I work for the school. I can still participate in helping out with social events, but I won't have to take responsibility.

    - I would say I've recovered this year from my previous lifestyle. Now I have fun, but in a much more restricted manner. I'm not out all the time like last year. I'm really glad I removed AXO from my life. It was just driving me nuts and all arrows pointed to AXO as the source of poison in my life. So now I could say I'm not any better at managing my time, but I'm definitely better at treating myself right.

    - Thank goodness this semester is over. The last half of the semester has been hectic. I had to do 7 papers within 1.5 months. It was ridiculous. And my last final was THE last final at Berkeley this year on a Friday from 7-10pm....on the Holocaust. Quite an upper. But I made up for it by going crazy at a party right after. Totally worth it.

    - Just saw IronMan 2 and Avatar again. YAY!

    - Trying to reconnect with friends i've left by the wayside since this semester (or whole year) got wayy wayy crazy. It's pretty challenging as they don't invite me places anymore. I think they've given up.

Saturday, 28 November 2009

  • November update

    - This month was hard. Lots of school work.
    - I'm a little burnt out
    - The next few social events went ok. Tri Prom was a bitch to plan but I got through it ok
    - Been hanging out with friends a little more recently
    - Been eating bad and haven't been flossing well so now I have minor gingivitis...ick
    - Had a great thanksgiving dinner
    - Had an awesome night with lindy where I brought her over for dinner. Yum!
    - I'm largely recovered from Silas' death. It doesn't make me cry all the time anymore and I finally threw out his funeral flowers like 2-3 weeks ago. They were all moldy, dried out, and gray. My housemates are really glad they're gone now.
    - I'm going to HK for xmas break and also to SD
    - I might go to Cyprus or Cambridge for summer as my study abroad.
    - As usual, I need a job
    - I don't know if there's enough time to do everything I need to do
    - I need to exercise. I'm utterly and completely out of shape.... as usual
    - It scares me that my cousin that I've seen grow up from a 2 year old with constant temper tantrums, to a spoiled brat of a kid, to an awkward teenager is soon going to apply for college in 1.5 yrs and just took his first SAT. That was me just yesterday right?
    - I STILL have no idea what I want to do with my life.
    - Am I going to date Ryan for a long long time?? I feel like I need to figure that out now.... or move on and start finding other people. It's like time to figure this out you know? I don't want to date 1 person for 3 years and have it not work out....
    - People are mad at my school right now. They are pissed about the 32% increase in tuition. You'd think we'd take from prison funding, but no, instead we'd rather still provide prisoners with phones, TVs, 3 square meals a day, health care, books, beds....etc. But instead college now has to be about as comfortable as being in prison because they get a cushy life? I mean really! Prison shouldn't be comfortable! College should be! I mean, it's not even free. But prison sure is! Prisoners get as much room as a college dorm triple. It's ridiculous. Or we have shitty living environments that are rat infested. Prisons are usually not rat infested. There are so many other examples....
    - Anyways, I found sweethearts that have New Moon related statements on them like "I <3 EC", "Bad Guy", "Dazzle", and "Live 4 Ever" on them. Lindy and I found them cheesy and hilarious so I bought them and we munched away while watching The Proposal. It was awesome.
    - Sad to go bad to school because Monday I have 3 labs due and tuesday I have a paper due for development and globalization that I have to do well on...shit shit shit
    - Gotta go to bed. Tomorrows a long day...as usual. Ugh.

Tuesday, 06 October 2009

  • updates on life

    - My first tri social event went well.
    - my co social chair's irresponsible and not dependable, but I'm dealing with it.
    - I'm not hanging out with friends much these days and it worries me that I'm not keeping up with them or making new friends.
    - Things with Ryan and I are going great as ever.
    - I'm out of shape because I have no time to exercise.
    - I'm doing better in school. Going to class more helps.
    - I survived homecoming weekend with my mom and Lindy coming up to see me at the most inopportune time, but now I'm puttered out.
    - Living in the Tri House is the best thing I ever endeavored to do.
    - I don't miss AXO at all
    - I still miss Silas and the memory of him still makes me cry at weird/inconvenient times like when I'm in a room all alone/in front of Ryan...oops.
    - I'm getting by and as long as I can do that I'm happy. Definitely not looking to spice up my life. That's the last thing I want right now. Stability is very welcome and needed.
    - I need to exercise more and get to know more new members.
    - I need to go to career fairs and figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life.
    - I gotta find a job or I will have no warm clothes this winter with the rate at which I'm losing jackets...
    - I bought new jeans and dyed my hair and got a hair cut. I'm excited to take pictures.
    - Life feels like it's puttering along with a few bumps in the road, but as long as I'm not running into a brick wall I'm perfectly happy going the way I'm going right now.
    - Been trying to eat healthier and cook more.

Friday, 14 August 2009

  • The Yosemite trip I've worked so hard to organize is fast approaching. I still have laundry to do, gotta pack, and gotta make sure I have the right hiking clothing. I have prepared for hours for this and hopefully I have everything needed... We'll see though. I need to sleep. Woke up way too early this morning and I gotta research directions.

    I got hired as a lifeguard after a lot of misunderstandings, chasing richard around, and finally finding him today. He says I'm already in the system. Thank goodness, I wasn't sure if he'd ever get my application. He apparently found it in the oddest of places in Alicia's office. I'm a sub who can take shifts whenever they appear and are convenient for me. It'll be nice having some extra money. Now I just need to read up on my life guarding book to make sure there are no details I'm fuzzy on.

    I've also signed up for concurrent enrollment at BCC which is great. Another important thing off my checklist. Also declared my major, sociology, which is cool. Now I finally have a direction in life.

    Delivered commuter bike to Mike's Bike's to be fixed up yesterday. It needs new brake pads and a brake cable. Also needs new grip. I guess I'll wrap it myself at their workshops wednesday. Costs a buttload to do all this though. Ugh. I guess it's worth it as long as it doesn't get stolen for the next 2 years of my college life.

    Also printed out my deactivation form. Just gotta turn it in now to finalize everything. I'm going to do this and not look back. I know how much that lifestyle didn't suit me. I know I'll miss some parts, but I also know I'll remember it wasn't good for me.

    I need to wash dishes. There are so many. But I'm too tired and have too much on my mind. Any my mom is being bitchy again. She's so annoying and I end up having to talk to her every goddamn day.

    My to do list had 28 items on it last week. Now it's down to 18 items. Ugh. So much to do and so little time before school starts. I seem to never get enough things done in one day. I guess I know how richard wooten feels.

Monday, 13 July 2009

  • Goodbye Silas

    Recently I had to say goodbye to my dear friend and ex boyfriend silas. He was only 20 and died of a methadone overdose, alcohol, and probably anti depressants. I'm not sure if it was a death wish or just bad judgement after all the alcohol, but I'm sad it happened no matter what. This was a funeral I shouldn't have had to go to yet, but I did this weekend and it really helped with finding some closure and knowing that he really had a positive impact on everyone's lives.
    I met his close friends, his sponsors, those who were sponsored by him, his piano teacher, mom, dad, stepdad, sister, all his ex-girlfriends (that part was super wierd! But fun), his aunts, and more. I'm glad i met them all and got to see the other parts of Silas' life. I remember Silas talking to me about his sponsor and the people who sponsored him. Now I know who they are and I can put faces to names and everything.
    The one thing I noticed more than anything else is how much everyone learned from him. I thought I was the only person who had learned so much from him and now I know I'm wrong. Silas was able to teach people of all kinds. I think what hurts most is knowing I most likely won't ever meet a guy like Silas again. If I do, this person will be one in a million.
    I think I've accepted his death as a part of his life and I'm ok knowing he's probably happier wherever he is now. He was hurting for so long so I'm glad he doesn't have to hurt anymore. He died while asleep and on painkillers so I think it was most likely a painless death.
    I'll miss his valuable insight, his spontaneity, that smile, and his laugh, the look that was just for me, and his amazing piano talent. I'll always remember the times we spent walking around on campus, cooking, eating at nice restaurants, running, hanging out, having deep conversations, being mischievous...etc.
    Gotta go my mom's probably annoyed now.

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    Where: Crestwood Day School When: 1998 I remember playing house with Christen, Caitlin, and Guari. We would have so much fun. I remember always being the sister. I think Guari was always the baby and Caitlin or Christen was the mom. That was so much fun! I still remember the tree we used to always
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